Not to Be Outdone: College Two: TWO: The Deconstructinating

Today marks my fourth official day as a graduate student (yes, we started on Sunday with a film screening - clearly, I am in pagan territory).  So far, I have read and been lectured on a nausea-inducing quantity of Freud, met Dungeons and Dragon-playing hippies, and encountered a former FSU student who is a self-professed "big fan of beer and dancin'."  In the wake of such excessively qualitative, humanities-ish flakiness, here is my time in Chicago broken down into discrete, numerical data packets (I may be misusing all of the last four words, but I wouldn't know).  

Starbucks Vivanno Smoothies Consumed: 9

Homeless Men Who Have Asked Me for My Number: 3

Homeless Men Who Have Shown Me Their "Office" and Tried to Sell Me a Stolen TV: 1 

Men Who Have Threatened to Set Their Dogs on Me: 1 

Elderly Korean Ladies Who Run Through the Park While Dribbling a Basketball: 1 

Personal LCD TV Screens Available for Use in the Cardio Rotunda of the Athletic Center: 37 

Effete, Argula-Selling Greenmarkets in Walking Distance of My Apartment: 3 

Times I Have Almost Set My Kitchen on Fire: 2 (but they fixed my gas line, so it's fine now!)

Days Until I Receive My Stipend Check: 12 

Hours of Food Network Watched Out of Boredom While Waiting for Classes to Start: Lots (I suddenly understand why Rachel Ray is such a hateful individual) 

Contestants Left in Cycle 11 of America's Next Top Model: 11 

The last two might suggest why I am canceling my cable at the end of the month.  At some point, I'm sure I'll actually learn something.  In the meantime, gotta watch all those SciFi original movies while I still can.