Merry Christmas

Here is a video of "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)," as covered by the ShowBiz Pizza robot band:



WARNING: DO NOT WATCH UNDER INFLUENCE OF LSD.

Now biofuels are the problem?

This is a deeply depressing article about the effect the massive expansion of investment in biofuels has had on forests and wetlands worldwide. Anyone know this guy Tom Searchinger at Princeton?

The best laid plans of mice...

Or There are no cats in Canada...

Oh my god. This is the worst thing, ever. Thank God Natalie Portman's Jewish.

No... There Is Another...

Breaking developments in the world of Memories this week, as it appears an Austrian company has made a strong move to continue manufacturing instant film. While PolaPremium is currently selling the tail end of Polaroid's production run, the Polaroid community is ablaze with rumours that the company has purchased the all-important machine stock and plans to re-start production in 2009. While the unfavorable currency conversion and $25 shipping charges from Europe limit the usefulness of PolaPremium, it's certainly encouraging that a credible hope exists. As for my part, I've stockpiled instant film reserves necessary to keep shooting at current rates through December 21, 2012, so I can wait and see how this plays out. 

Speaking of, here's the trailer for 2012: THE MOVIE, coming next year. From the director of Independence Day. So you know it's good!

Peak Spam

Breaking: Hormel unable to keep up with exploding demand for Spam.

FailBlog

You've probably seen this already, but just in case you haven't... 

FAIL.  

Santos: The Hands of Fate

Politico with an odd convergence between the Obama Administration (that still sounds weird) and the last season of "West Wing."

Also, IL Lotto winning numbers were 6-6-6 yesterday. Beast Government, +1? Barackalypse 12/21/2012??

Grad school Halloween

Except it's not Halloween... it's Samhain (I have friends in the Divinity School).  And I know people who will be dressed up as the Lacanian phallus, the Other, and Sexy Slavoj Zizek.  These kids give Tom and his penumbra from last year a run for their money.  Of course, I also know a guy from Ontario who's going as Canadian bacon.  We like to mix up the level of discourse here at UChicago.  Apparently.  

Also, overheard immediately after my theory course lecture: 

Girl: Hey!  Hey you!  

Dude:  *turns around*  STOP INTERPELLATING ME!  

Free Junk Food Digest

Free crunchy taco on 10/28 (my birthday!!), courtesy of Taco Bell.

Free Dr Pepper, courtesy of Axl Rose and NOT courtesy of Buckethead, or Slash.

This one's for Truch

(partly because I'm pretty sure nobody else reads this...) 

Whyyyy, Lotto, whyyyy?  

Similarly

Which reminds me:

[Exiting gym]

"Yo, after this, let's listen to some Jack Johnson and just bro out."

Not made up.

UChicagobatim

Overheard outside the business school.  

Tool on cellphone: "That is a lie.  I think you are SO much hotter than Sarah Palin."  

We'll Just Have to... Heat It Up!!!

If you're as passionate about both corn mazes and Sarah Palin as I am, it's been an agonizing couple of weeks for you. You've had to either stay in and repeatedly watch the Sarahcuda rise to the challenge of Sean Hannity's tough but fair questions as her interview loops on Fox News Classic, or venture outdoors in search of exhilarating, entertaining, fun-for-ages-8-to-88 corn mazes.  But not both.

Thanks to the fine folks over the fine folks over at the Obee Road Corn Maze of Whitehouse, OH, you no longer have to make that choice. Based on a 100-0 (+-0%) lead in corn visages, I am now prepared to call Ohio for McCain-Palin 37 days ahead of time, just as I called Florida three weeks ago after 13,000 superfans in the student section of the FSU/Eastern Carolina showdown spontaneously began chanting "U! S! A!" and to a lesser extent, "Drill, baby, drill*."

In other news, if America is not a smoldering pile of wreckage before 2011, National Treasure 3 is waiting for us there. I think we need to make it a goal to prop up the economy until then by whatever pyramid scheme, credit default, or door-to-door knife sales necessary. After we watch Benajmin Gates find the mythical Ranch of Dressing as writ on Page 47 of the Book of Secrets, we can admit we've had a good run as a country and pack it in, but Dammit! Not before then.

*Somewhat misleading, as I tried to start this one.

An Open Letter to Residents of Sub-Saharan Africa, Concerning Economic Opportunities in the United States of America

Greeting!

I, Hank, am from son of Treasury Minister of Republic of U.S. America. Thanks to recent crisis in my country causes strong need for large transfer of funds numbering of the $700 BILLION America. If you would assist me in this matter in friendship and secret trust, you will to be the most profitable. Before hour numbering of the 24, you sending the wire routing fees of the $70 BILLIONS America to HankBailOut08 of the PayPaal.com (PLEASE REMEMBEING THE EXTRA A), I will replied of immediate with detail information is regards cashier check drawn on bank WASHINGTOWN MUTAIL U.S.A. about safeguards to protect funds in sprit of trust and honor!!!

Friends, in GOD,
Mr. Hanry M. Paulson III

You're not in middle school anymore when...

people assume you know what AD&D stands for, and its an accidental death and dismemberment clause.

Paul Simon on Yankee Stadium

"Songs Open Doors to the Inner Sanctum" in today's NY Times.  

Even though I hate the Yankees, I can appreciate it.  

Not to Be Outdone: College Two: TWO: The Deconstructinating

Today marks my fourth official day as a graduate student (yes, we started on Sunday with a film screening - clearly, I am in pagan territory).  So far, I have read and been lectured on a nausea-inducing quantity of Freud, met Dungeons and Dragon-playing hippies, and encountered a former FSU student who is a self-professed "big fan of beer and dancin'."  In the wake of such excessively qualitative, humanities-ish flakiness, here is my time in Chicago broken down into discrete, numerical data packets (I may be misusing all of the last four words, but I wouldn't know).  

Starbucks Vivanno Smoothies Consumed: 9

Homeless Men Who Have Asked Me for My Number: 3

Homeless Men Who Have Shown Me Their "Office" and Tried to Sell Me a Stolen TV: 1 

Men Who Have Threatened to Set Their Dogs on Me: 1 

Elderly Korean Ladies Who Run Through the Park While Dribbling a Basketball: 1 

Personal LCD TV Screens Available for Use in the Cardio Rotunda of the Athletic Center: 37 

Effete, Argula-Selling Greenmarkets in Walking Distance of My Apartment: 3 

Times I Have Almost Set My Kitchen on Fire: 2 (but they fixed my gas line, so it's fine now!)

Days Until I Receive My Stipend Check: 12 

Hours of Food Network Watched Out of Boredom While Waiting for Classes to Start: Lots (I suddenly understand why Rachel Ray is such a hateful individual) 

Contestants Left in Cycle 11 of America's Next Top Model: 11 

The last two might suggest why I am canceling my cable at the end of the month.  At some point, I'm sure I'll actually learn something.  In the meantime, gotta watch all those SciFi original movies while I still can.  

Chilean Teens in Crisis

The NYT with some solid reportage on Chilean makeout parties. 

Zap!

This should be on a 24-hour loop at Guantanamo Bay.